Thank You!

Concert Josh's Acceptance Speech for his recent Emmy Award:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly believe this! I feel so surgically enhanced! And this statue - it's so shiny! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to read in the tabloids that even in my wildest hallucinations, I never would have fantasized that this could ever help me get laid so much. And to the other second-rate nominees, I want each of you to know how totally vindicated your jealosy makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I was a God on Earth, I just had to take a minute and brag about how great my fans have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda numb

You know, there are so many back-stabbing little people to thank! First off though, I want to thank the senile old bats of the Academy, who looked deep within their cold, black hearts before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Jesus, for being such a powerful force in my loins. And to Mom, who taught me to take life by the horns. And finally, to all the Producers I slept with - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!